Tales and Tastes

As a kid I was very finicky about what I ate, more so about what I absolutely did not, would not. Since my single mom was at work, trying to distract herself and earn a living, I was left in the house, under the watchful eye of my granny- Ammaji. So ultimately the herculean task of feeding me a nutritious lunch was upon her shoulders.
   I wasn't very demanding, but I was a little stubborn. I had no wish list as to what I wanted, but alway knew what I just could not bare. Cereals, vegetables and pulses were three enemies I waged a war against, every single day. Ammaji was smart though, she knew that it had to be done, and she knew she had to find an unconventional way. I have always had a passion for stories, words, literature and characters, which proved to be my waterloo in the wars. Each afternoon, a deal was made in the house, a beneficial trade for both parties. Ammaji would start telling us ids a story, mostly about mythological creatures, demons and Gods, and within two seconds of narration, have me wrapped around her fingers. I would listen intently, with 100% focus and attention, my mouth always open in rapture. Ammaji, would keep me under her spell, while feeding me tiny bites of the most outrageously green and tasteless vegetables. In my state of mesmerisation, I'd gobble up everything, not having the faintest idea of what was going inside my system. Hence as Krishna, Ram and Ganesh danced their way into my memory, and helped me learn about the little mythology that I know today, I had a balanced meal and ultimately developed a tasted for some of the veggies.
  That is one of my most precious memories of Ammaji. Things got weird as I grew up, we grew distant and developed a difference of opinion on most matters in life. She was a disciplinarian, orthodox and stern in her outlook, I was a rebellious teenager, ready to explore and go against any opposing force. My childhood was spent under her, with her and around her by which I subconsciously imbibed a LOT. After she passed away a few years back, I realised how pertinent she was to my entire existence. I respect her a lot, more than my own mother who had failed me in a few matters. But as far as Ammaji is concerned, she was someone really worth living under, learning under. As an adult, I have a better understanding of so many of her actions, her words which seemed nonsensical at one point of time. I guess wisdom can be acquired with the passage of time, and not really be hastened in any manner. Thankfully, my memory has served me well, and I remember most of what she meant to teach. I guess with her guiding words, and my open mind, I would fare slightly better than my previous generation, and perhaps almost as perfect as the one before theirs.

I stand as...

When in sounds, sights and smells, I don't find any glee,
I stop, look around, ponder over and turn around to see
If the world must stop, I must carry on and fight,
I claim to be no one, I 'rely' on none, I hold on and hold tight,
If all must turn away, must I give everything up that time ?
Or is a moment of solace too selfish to be be just mine?
If I wish to breathe no more, give up and just lay still,
will you give in as well, and not tell be to stand up and kill?
For I may not shoot Sheldon, Alice, Peter or Jane,
I claim to be nothing but crazy, never swore' insane,
I wished for no more, I smiled at and craved zero,
I 'demanded' zilch, kept shut and simply paused, did I call out 'Hero?'
The world is not enough, for I did not even set my limit to start,
I just looked ahead and breathed, took a while, clasped my heart,
for when the rain shall stop, and the sun shall shine no more,
I shall just sit down and wonder, hope for my limbs to get sore.
when I doubt and am afraid, I might crumble and fall,
but if my number one summons, i answer that call
and if I die, who may go ahead and lead,
I am not to judge, for I don't know a 'breed'.
I must simply stand and smile,
even if it just stays for a while,
and as my walls may collapse and break,
I shall still look up and again try to make,
for I was born as no one, just my own special way,
'Kriator', as I put it, or my close and loved ones like to say.

Of Wars and Memories

She always said, "You're gonna miss me when I'm gone", but that didn't seem as effective as it did when Simple Plan wrote a song about it. I know she was positively right, since I am a living proof of that. She was intelligent, sharp, quick and smart, and I miss her since now she's gone.
I want to have a good long conversation, with a hot cup of coffee, and some star gazing involved, and I need someone for it. However, 28th of December  2012, has seemed to left me, all alone, one by one, taking as much as I could bear, and I have gladly obliged. Doubts unfortunately fill my mind, which makes it very hard to absorb, accept and analyze what life is doing to me right now. I had promised myself, not to get scared, but sometimes, life just takes you for the most bumpy ride of all times, and you must sit and forcefully 'enjoy', since it's just a fun ride. I panicked and didn't know where to go, as all directions seemed to be one and the same. It seemed like I would for ever be stagnated, since I was dealing with the choices offered by the Devil himself. All doors were shutting down, one by one, and it was like the whole Universe was conspiring to make it happen, and I restless, tired and unstable, was still clawing at them, hoping that something would happen.
I've never lived this life before, and hence everything that comes my way is generally greeted with novel surprise and innocent giggles. Life offers lemons, and I make lemonade, which works perfectly both ways. The balance is lost, once there are more lemons than required, and the time for a juggling act approaches. I may be joker, but I am not a juggler, and even though I try to quickly adapt as many skills as I can, the whole 'juggling' act seems to be a little too much for me to take.
It's time to stop, think, ration and then finally conclude, for I believe I have done something relevant, but equally chaotic and risky. Even if it was not my intention, I did land up over here, and now I must move on, go ahead and carry on. The world doesn't stop functioning for anybody, and since I have told you that this particular battle is - Me against the World- why should I stop when everyone is actually not doing anything at all? Let the battle resume again, and let me wage a war against all forces combined, not for anyone, but only for my selfish little heart this time.

Mrs. C.R. Pandey

Even as I feel that today, the 22nd of December, 2012, is a miracle in action, since I awoke on my bed, healthy, happy and safe -today morn', I do not forget the days which are now long gone, but which have been more or less, equally miraculous.
I have finally managed to prove the Mayans' Theory wrong :), and that is the exact reason for starting this blog, lol, for I knew that maybe the world would not believe me today, but had my Granny dearest been here, she would have definitely appreciated the fact that I finally did something right.
Growing up without any siblings was both a boon and bane for me. I had cousins, some permanent, some 'shifty', but none so close as to be called my 'real' brother or sister. We also had tenants in our house, changing again with time, but the most memorable ones whom we managed to build some lasting bonds with, were the ones who are now a part of my much needed and highly prized 'childhood memories'. They had two kids, and were a Bengali Family, which somehow seemed to be a common characteristic among most of the tenants who moved in later, after them. Hence, our house, was mostly occupied, not by many, but by just the right number of people, and we all happily, loudly and cheerfully thrived under the shade of my big Banyan Tree- my Granny Dearest.
She was the ruling head of the family, with efficient functioning capabilities, and a brain as sharp as razor blade. I used to watch her work magically through most things in her life, with such grace, strength and pizzazz, and wonder if my life would ever be like that, like the ones of grown ups. Today as I sit down to breathe in a moment of peace, it does seem like the time has come.
 My life is not like my Granny dearest's, but the similarities, habits and thought pattern seem to be somewhere reflected in each other. Yes, I feel like I have a grown up life today, but I don't know if I possess the same 'grand' qualities that she had, which made her life what it was, and might make my life what it can be. For me to exactly define who she was, it'll take a lot of time and effort, since I want you all to know, who she was. Gradually, I shall introduce you to someone extra special and close to my heart, the one who may not be here with us anymore, but the one who has left her foot prints all over the tracks for me to follow.