Of Wars and Memories

She always said, "You're gonna miss me when I'm gone", but that didn't seem as effective as it did when Simple Plan wrote a song about it. I know she was positively right, since I am a living proof of that. She was intelligent, sharp, quick and smart, and I miss her since now she's gone.
I want to have a good long conversation, with a hot cup of coffee, and some star gazing involved, and I need someone for it. However, 28th of December  2012, has seemed to left me, all alone, one by one, taking as much as I could bear, and I have gladly obliged. Doubts unfortunately fill my mind, which makes it very hard to absorb, accept and analyze what life is doing to me right now. I had promised myself, not to get scared, but sometimes, life just takes you for the most bumpy ride of all times, and you must sit and forcefully 'enjoy', since it's just a fun ride. I panicked and didn't know where to go, as all directions seemed to be one and the same. It seemed like I would for ever be stagnated, since I was dealing with the choices offered by the Devil himself. All doors were shutting down, one by one, and it was like the whole Universe was conspiring to make it happen, and I restless, tired and unstable, was still clawing at them, hoping that something would happen.
I've never lived this life before, and hence everything that comes my way is generally greeted with novel surprise and innocent giggles. Life offers lemons, and I make lemonade, which works perfectly both ways. The balance is lost, once there are more lemons than required, and the time for a juggling act approaches. I may be joker, but I am not a juggler, and even though I try to quickly adapt as many skills as I can, the whole 'juggling' act seems to be a little too much for me to take.
It's time to stop, think, ration and then finally conclude, for I believe I have done something relevant, but equally chaotic and risky. Even if it was not my intention, I did land up over here, and now I must move on, go ahead and carry on. The world doesn't stop functioning for anybody, and since I have told you that this particular battle is - Me against the World- why should I stop when everyone is actually not doing anything at all? Let the battle resume again, and let me wage a war against all forces combined, not for anyone, but only for my selfish little heart this time.

Mrs. C.R. Pandey

Even as I feel that today, the 22nd of December, 2012, is a miracle in action, since I awoke on my bed, healthy, happy and safe -today morn', I do not forget the days which are now long gone, but which have been more or less, equally miraculous.
I have finally managed to prove the Mayans' Theory wrong :), and that is the exact reason for starting this blog, lol, for I knew that maybe the world would not believe me today, but had my Granny dearest been here, she would have definitely appreciated the fact that I finally did something right.
Growing up without any siblings was both a boon and bane for me. I had cousins, some permanent, some 'shifty', but none so close as to be called my 'real' brother or sister. We also had tenants in our house, changing again with time, but the most memorable ones whom we managed to build some lasting bonds with, were the ones who are now a part of my much needed and highly prized 'childhood memories'. They had two kids, and were a Bengali Family, which somehow seemed to be a common characteristic among most of the tenants who moved in later, after them. Hence, our house, was mostly occupied, not by many, but by just the right number of people, and we all happily, loudly and cheerfully thrived under the shade of my big Banyan Tree- my Granny Dearest.
She was the ruling head of the family, with efficient functioning capabilities, and a brain as sharp as razor blade. I used to watch her work magically through most things in her life, with such grace, strength and pizzazz, and wonder if my life would ever be like that, like the ones of grown ups. Today as I sit down to breathe in a moment of peace, it does seem like the time has come.
 My life is not like my Granny dearest's, but the similarities, habits and thought pattern seem to be somewhere reflected in each other. Yes, I feel like I have a grown up life today, but I don't know if I possess the same 'grand' qualities that she had, which made her life what it was, and might make my life what it can be. For me to exactly define who she was, it'll take a lot of time and effort, since I want you all to know, who she was. Gradually, I shall introduce you to someone extra special and close to my heart, the one who may not be here with us anymore, but the one who has left her foot prints all over the tracks for me to follow.